Meg: My soul could beat up your soul
Miles: My soul drinks Evian water
Meg: My soul is Jewish. Chosen people. Challa!
Miles: I got plastic surgery and now my soul’s tits are huge.
Meg: My soul does pilates
Miles:My soul writes poetry
Meg: Fuck you, my souls got a bigger dick.
Miles: God wrote on my facebook wall today
Meg: God poked me.
Miles: My souls not a temple. My souls a Mall.
*Static*
Meg: Right now
You can receive this soul for only six-sixty-six
(MILES SPINS, MEG WALKS AROUND MILES, advertising her)
This soul includes sexual promiscuity, intense vanity, and will stop at nothing to make you some money!
Call now and we’ll throw in a free limited edition Iraqi soldier soul
And even an unwanted Chinese baby soul, one soul’s trash is another soul’s treasure.
Miles: What a bargain!
Meg: This soul practically sells itself!
*Static*
(miles grabs the mic, kneels down, and plays god)
Meg: (sweetly) Dear God.
I’m fat.
Look at these muffin tops, God.
Make me skinny.
Or… make my friends fat?
It’s not happening fast enough
God? God. God!
Miles: You must have patience.
It’s a virtue.
Meg: But God!!!!
Miles: JESUS meg! I’m watching Flavor of Love.
Meg: I’ll put in an extra $5 in the offering plate next Sunday!
Miles: (Makes mystical noise)
Meg: (Sucks in stomach) Thanks God!
*Static*
Miles: Mom look at my magic stone. It can make us fly cause its a moon stone and …
Meg: Isn’t there something on TV honey?
Miles: Tell me a story
Meg: I just brought you Grand theft auto
Miles: Play outside with me
Meg: Give me that silly stone and go take your morning medicine you know it calms you down.
Miles: But touch my magic stone! (Holds out hands)
Meg: (Looks long at her hands) What stone?
*static breaking up*
NO one is praying till their knees get worn
"these are 7 jeans"
NO one has conversations with their eyelashes
Because an e-mail was faster
NO one dreams life and anticipates the dawn
cause we all got the preview on the internet, and it seemed too long
Because no ones making Gandhis anymore
No one’s bones stick out of the surface to prove we are humans, first
Unless an eye for an eye
makes the rich get cribs, rims and turn their bodies in to diamonds when they die
No one is making Marleys anymore
Got shot and walked from the grave to sing your heart a song
No one’s going to be a Jesus to bleed to death to save a soul
Because we’re turned him into crystals on a crucifix and hung him around our necks
We’ve made him stained glass
And we even lied about his skin color to sell it to the masses
*static ends*
We apologize for the interruption
Now Back to your scheduled programming:
Miles: Buy Magic Stone
A new line from Tiffany & Company
Because all that glitters is gold.
Because all that glitters is God.
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